All siblings squabble, often driving their parent’s crazy in the process. However when they squabble over possessions they are also learning the art of negotiation and sharing. Which is why it is best not to get involved when the squabbles are underway. Best to try and anticipate these ‘sharing’ issues by setting house rules in advance. Having done this try to sit back and avoid getting involved (however, do be ready to ‘steer’ if the going gets rough or if if a rule reminder seems to be needed).
Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue
This works really well:
“SET A RULE”:
- For example set “Property rights” – house rules to clarify exactly what possession can be shared, when and who with.
- The trick is to set these limits in a non-confrontational way using the third person.
- If possible, encourage your children to participate in setting these limits so that they feel invested in the application of the rules.
- You could also encourage your children to designate ”sacred” spaces or shelves, where each sibling has his or her own toys/possessions which the others may not touch. This sacred space could be a child’s own room (if he or she is lucky enough to have a room of his or her own) or even a temporary area such as a carpet or a mat on the floor. The rule can be that when your child’s toys lie outside of this “sacred space”, any sibling is permitted to use them and furthermore, that the “owner” has to wait for the other to finish playing.
Here is another suggestion:
EMPATHY AND TRUST:
- Try not to intervene when your children are fighting (as long as they are not hitting each other seriously!).
- If they come to you whining about the fact that a brother or sister has done something wrong (as they will often do) simply tell them: “You know the rules. I trust you to be able to resolve this on your own”.
- But keep an eye (or rather an ear, as you might decide to leave the room!) on the fights, to ensure that none of the siblings is subjecting the other to unnecessary force or stress.
